


Show Me

by ShyVioletCat



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 04:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18358439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: The Queen of Terrasen has been ruling for a year. Even though the hard one peace still swept throughout the continent, scars from the War remain. Rowan sees that his wife is suffering, so he comes up with a plan to heal a broken part of her heart.





	1. Chapter 1

They had been home for almost a year. A year since the war ended, a year since the slaughter had stopped, a year since they were able to take a breath and just exist without the fate of the world in the palm of their hands and on the edges of their blades. Almost a year, but still so much pain lingered.

Orynth was mostly rebuilt. Many of Terrasen’s inhabitants had flocked to the capitol, first for refuge as war loomed and then to rebuild and celebrate when the war was won. After what Aelin had to sacrifice, what she had done to win, the Lords of Terrasen had bowed to her. Accepted her for the queen she was.

Now calm had settled over the city, a quiet, peaceful, happy calm. A healing calm that was spreading throughout the city, throughout the country. Because they were all still healing. Especially their Queen.

Rowan knew that Aelin had come a long way since she was rescued from Maeve’s torture. And from losing her mortal life. For months there had been a bright light in her eyes but recently it had grown dim. She was exhausted, physically, emotionally, mentally. She had thrown herself into her role as Queen and she had owned it. She had lived up to and surpassed all expectations. But recently Aelin had been distant. Withdrawn. Closed off from everyone. Even him. 

And it broke his heart. 

She smiled and laughed, she was present in the moment. But Rowan saw that a hollowness still lingered. Some days he would see her, staring at nothing with a hand on her chest. Just like she had those moments after she had sealed the Wyrdgate, or she’d look at her wrist where the scars from the manacles should be. Rowan’s gut roiled when he lingered too long on that thought. Maeve and Cairn has not suffered enough. 

But Rowan had not been idle when it came to healing his mate. Somehow he had managed to keep a secret from Aelin, amazingly no one had let slip about the plan. Although Aelin had caught wind of some humming excitement it was apparent she didn’t have the drive to pursue it. This evening he would reveal everything to her.

Rowan did up the last button of his fine tunic and ran a hand through his hair. He would not deny he was nervous. He turned as he heard the door of their chambers open and click shut. Aelin walked in looking exhausted. Without even looking at him she threw herself face down onto the bed and let out a loud groan. Rowan allowed himself a small smile as he approached the bed. When Aelin didn’t stir as he sat Rowan ran his hand soothingly over her back.

“Fireheart.”

Aelin groaned again but turned in his direction and her eyes opened a little wider as she took him in. “Why are you dressed so fine?”

Rowan just grinned and that made Aelin sit up. Then Rowan rose from the bed not even acknowledging Aelin as he heard her shifting behind him. He made for the walk in wardrobe and disappeared inside it.

“Rowan?” Aelin called.

Rowan didn’t reply as he looked at the gown in front of him. It had been delivered up to the castle while Aelin was attending to court business. It was beautiful. A beaded, pale green floor length gown. The sleeves hugged tight to the arm right down to the wrist and he knew the fabric would hug softly to her curves.

“What are you doing in there, Rowan?” Aelin called again.

Rowan took the gown down from where it hung and laid it gently over his arms. The look on Aelin’s face when she saw the dress made Rowan smile more.

“What are you planning?” Aelin looked at him sceptically as Rowan held the dress out to her.

“Go bathe, then put this on,” Rowan said.

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.” Rowan placed the dress down next to Aelin then took her hands in his, pulling her gently from the bed.

~

About an hour later Rowan was leading Aelin down the steps of the palace to a carriage that awaited them. While Aelin bathed and dressed she incessantly bombarded him with questions. His only response had been ‘you will see’ to which he received a burning glare each time. Now she was giving him the silent treatment in an attempt to break him. Once in the carriage Aelin had moved as far as she could from him, staring out the window as the horses took off.

“This is just retribution, you know,” Rowan murmured, breaking the cold silence.

“Retribution for what?” Aelin snapped.

Rowan lifted his brows, and Aelin only continued to stare at him, waiting for an answer. He sighed. “For all those times you surprised me, Aedion, the rest of the court.”

Something in Aelin’s face fell and Rowan wondered if he had said the wrong thing. But Aelin reached over and took his hand, shoulders relaxing, and she left out a heavy breath as she looked at him.

You’re right.

I know, Fireheart.

Aelin laughed.

It did not take them long to get to their destination and Aelin still looked thoroughly confused as she stepped out of the carriage. Then the realisation dawned on her, her hand lifted to her throat. Rowan took her other hand and led her up the steps of the Terrasen Royal Theatre.

Aedion was there at the top of the steps and he opened the door for them, a bright smile on his face. The foyer was plain, but decent enough. Rowan had instructed that the time not be spent here, frivolous decorations could be done later. Aelin looked around, not speaking, her hand hadn’t left her chest.

Lysandra was waiting at the next door. Rowan walked forward but was halted by Aelin’s sudden stop.

“What have you done?” Aelin said quietly.

“Come see,” Rowan said and tugged lightly on Aelin’s arm.

She complied and Lysandra opened the door to the auditorium. Once they entered, Rowan let go of his mate to let her wander where she would. Because once they stepped in she pulled away from him, walking to the centre of the large room. She turned, around and around, taking it all in. The stage, the rows and rows of seats, the beautiful mural on the ceiling with a decadent chandelier in the centre. Rowan was sure she had stopped breathing. It was very much like the one she had taken him to all those years ago in Rifthold.

“How…” Aelin was still spinning, still taking everything in, “How did this happen? How did you keep it all from me?”

Rowan walked forward slowly until her was right next to Aelin. “It wasn’t easy. And we didn’t do it alone. I know I promised to pay for it myself but once I sent out the requests for the craftsmen it was impossible to do so. Dorian sent funds and supplies from Adarlan. And we received more from Ellwye, Mellisande, the Wastes and even Skull’s Bay.”

Aelin threw herself into Rowan’s chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

“They all did this in thanks to you, Fireheart. For all you did.” Rowan kissed the top of Aelin’s head as she silently began into his tunic. They broke apart when the doors of the auditorium opened again and Lysandra, Aedion and Evangeline walked in.

Aelin stepped back from Rowan, sniffing and wiping her eyes. Rowan knew she was beyond words at the moment as she first crashed into Aedion, even placing a kiss on his cheek. Then wiping her tears away again Aelin launched herself at Lysandra. The friends embraced and tears began to gather in Lysandra’s eyes as well.

“Well unless you want to your subjects to see your splotchy crying face, I suggest we find our seats,” Lysandra said with a smile as the two females disentangled themselves.

“What?” Aelin croaked out.

Then the music is started.

Aelin spun towards the stage. The orchestra had arrived and they were warming up.

A royal box had been built, decorated in green and silver. Aedion, Lysandra and Evangeline had gone to sit elsewhere, leaving Rowan and Aelin to watch the performance privately. Rowan had organised for the orchestra to perform the Stygian Suite, remembering that it was Aelin’s favourite. She sat enthralled, tears streaming down her face. The auditorium was full of Terrasen’s citizens who were utterly captured by the performance. Just like their Queen.

Rowan looked to her now. He could see a light in her face that her had not seen for a very long time. She lent forward in her seat, getting closer to the music. Rowan was trying to take in the music like she was, but he was too enraptured by Aelin. There was a piano solo playing and a fresh wave of tears cascaded down her cheeks. Then Rowan looked to her hands that were resting on her thighs. Her fingers were moving, playing invisible keys. It was then Rowan knew what his next surprise would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan asks for help with a surprise for his wife.

Aelin awoke with the morning light streaming in through the open curtains. Music still wound its way through her head, she couldn’t banish it. She didn’t want to. Laying there looking at the ceiling she thought about how her friends and family had done this wonderful thing for her. For her realm. Tears started pooling in her eyes and she took a shuddering breath. Despite her tears Aelin felt lighter. Less weary in her soul. A way she hadn’t felt in so long.

She heard a shifting of bedsheets beside her and before she could stop it from happening she was tucked in tight flush against Rowan’s chest. Aelin felt him nuzzle into her loose hair about her neck.

“Morning Aelin,” Rowan mumbled into her hair, pulling her impossibly closer.

“Good morning,” Aelin replied.

Rowan sighed and his breath tickled at Aelin’s neck and she let out a small laugh. Almost a giggle. A playful girlish giggle. The last time she had… well she couldn’t remember. Sure she had laughed, but again this… giggle, it felt lighter. Aelin rolled over, Rowan arms still around her, and stretched out. A clock chimed and that was when the weight of the day fell on her and all the music in her head vanished. Meetings upon meetings filled up her day, another day where she would barely a moment to herself. Or a moment with her husband.

As if reading her thoughts Rowan propped himself up an elbow and said, “We have now, Fireheart.”

His kiss was soft and it soothed her aching soul. He was what she needed. Her mate who knew and accepted every part of her and didn’t baulk at the darkness that was still inside. So Aelin lost herself in that kiss, she lost herself in Rowan as his hands began to wander and her own became tangled in his hair.

~

Rowan watched as Aelin walk away, standing straighter and more confident than he had seen in a long time. Aelin had told him as she dressed how she had woken with the music in her head and how it had made her feel lighter. She affirmed that she was still slightly annoyed that he had kept the theatre a secret, but she was also eternally grateful. To everyone who had taken part and given anything towards it. But Rowan did not miss how Aelin’s features darkened when it was time to start the day. The ruling of the kingdom was a heavy burden to bear and he, Aedion, Lysandra, Elide, they all helped where they could. But still Aelin was the Queen, and there were some things only the Queen could attend to. Rowan did not have long before his own day started. But he had a letter he needed to write to a friend. A friend who demanded to know how the surprise had gone because he was not present. And a friend Rowan needed to ask another favour of.

~

A few weeks passed since the first performance at the Royal Theatre, but sadly Rowan had not been able to get Aelin to another. There had only been one since the first, but still he knew how much it meant to Aelin and how it made her feel. And with the way these Lords and governors were frustrating Aelin, Rowan wanted her to go. If only for an escape and release. They sat around the breakfast table now, Aedion and Lysandra with them. And soon enough Fenrys joined them.

Fenrys looked as though the soft morning light was much to bright for him and he was practically cringing at every sound.

“Rough night, Fenrys?” Aelin asked.

Fenrys barely looked in her direction and just groaned. Aelin gave him a sweet smile before picking up her fork and then let it clatter onto her empty plate. Fenrys groaned again and covered his face with his hands, everyone else at the table either smirking or snickering.

“Now that’s no way to speak to your Queen,” Aelin said lifting her knife this time. “What adventures did you get up to?”

Fenrys eyed the knife that was poised for dropping, then the wicked smile on Aelin’s face. Rowan suppressed the chuckle he felt building. Aelin would do it, if Fenrys didn’t answer. They would play this game until it likely came to blows in the training yard, ending with them both laughing and unable to do anything.

Luckily for Fenrys he was saved from answering by the arrival of the messenger who then drew the attention of the Queen.

“Letters from Adarlan Majesties,” the messenger addressed both Aelin and Rowan and bowed.

Aelin smiled, but that smile fell when the messenger handed Rowan the letters instead, and with a bow left the room. Rowan looked down at the letters in his hands then back to Aelin who had a surprised and expectant look on her face. Rowan hopefully knew what was in these letters and he didn’t want Aelin knowing. He got uncharacteristically nervous and everyone noticed.

Rowan cleared his throat, “Dorian just wanted to know how the concert went.”

“That requires two letters?” Aedion asked, smiled into his cup. Rowan sent him a cutting look.

“We all know Rowan and Dorian have been dedicated pen pals since the witch attack,” Fenrys supplied. “Looks like one letter wasn’t enough.”

Rowan was going to break him later in training. Aedion too, in fact. The two tactless idiots were going to ruin him if they didn’t keep their mouths shut. Rowan glanced back to Aelin who was still watching him. Before his resolve snapped Rowan stood and placed a kiss on Aelin’s head.

“I need to start my day.” Then Rowan looked over Aedion and Fenrys, “training area. One hour.”

Fenrys visible paled and Aedion just managed to keep his bravado.

Once out of sight and sound Rowan ripped into the first letter. It was from Dorian. Rowan skimmed over the pleasantries and congratulations of the success of the surprise, then at the end there it was. Rowan ripped into the second letter, this one from a craftsmen. They asked for any specifications, a date and a quote for funds needed and Rowan gave a canine bearing grin to the letter. He would be in Dorian’s debt for a long while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The surprise arrives

Darkness surrounded her. Surrounded, encasing, swallowing her. Aelin tried to lift her arms but they hit the cold metal of the iron. Her back burned. It felt like it was on fire. Not her fire that burned and pulsed through her veins. This was a burn that sucked the air from her lungs. The air that should be there but wasn’t because of the mask that covered her face and dimmed her world further. The mask was suffocating her. Suffocating her like the oppressive darkness. Aelin couldn’t breathe… she couldn’t… she…

Aelin bolted upright, knowing she was in her bedroom and forcing this information deep into her mind. She wasn’t in the coffin, she was in Orynth, she was home. She wasn’t Maeve’s captive. Cairn was not lingering in the shadows. Still she couldn’t breathe, her lungs hurt, they burned now. Aelin registered her body being shifted then she was surrounded by a body and a soft cooling wind.

“I’m here, Fireheart,” Rowan whispered in the dark.

The dark… it was so dark in here. She needed light. Aelin focused on her breathing so she could speak. Rowan murmured words of comfort to her, rubbing gently at her arms. He knew not to touch her back after her nightmares, the phantom sensations often lingered after her dreams as they did now. Finally her body seemed to work well enough that she could try to speak.

“Light,” she whispered. “I need light.”

Rowan kissed her head as he moved Aelin from his arms and rose from the bed. He moved around the room lighting the candles with brutal efficiency. It wasn’t long before he was back on the bed and Aelin was back in his lap. Aelin couldn’t touch her powers in these moments. She didn’t want to.

“What was it?” He asked, absently stroking her air.

“Coffin.”

Rowan’s breathing stopped for a moment. Aelin had a range of nightmares and she had told Rowan each of them. The coffin nightmare was not her worst, but still it left her damaged and raw afterwards.

Aelin tried to relax into Rowan’s arms. But panic still made her body rigid and tense. She hadn’t even noticed she was crying until Rowan’s calloused thumb wiped away the tears off her cheeks. And once she had realised she had started, she couldn’t stop. Sobs made her whole body shake and convulse and Rowan held her through all of it. Ever constant. Never letting go.

When her tears were spent Aelin’s body finally relaxed and she looked up to Rowan’s face. He was already looking down at her, compassion and love written all over his face as well as that territorial need to protect. But they both knew he couldn’t protect her from this. It had been something Rowan had fought with so long ago, but now accepted. He could not protect her from the invisible threats from within herself. But he could chase them away.

Aelin reached up and gently stroked his face. He leaned into her hand and shifted them so that they were laying down. Leaving the sheet off Rowan tucked Aelin beside him to keep her warm, still not touching her back.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Aelin murmured into his chest.

“I know,” was all that Rowan replied.

Aelin let out a heavy sigh. Outside it was still dark, dawn was still probably many hours off. Aelin felt Rowan shift away from her for a moment and when he returned he had a book in his hand. Aelin couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. Without even asking Rowan opened to where the paper marked Aelin’s place and began reading. While he read one of his hands absentmindedly traced lines over Aelin, soothing her as much as his deep voice did.

For hours Rowan read to her and all that existed to Aelin was his voice, his touch and the story she immersed herself in. When she finally felt her eyes drooping she took the book from Rowan’s hand, not bothering to mark his progress, and took his hand in her’s and rested them atop his heart. Lying on his chest Aelin let his breathing and heartbeat finally lull her to sleep.

~

“What’s wrong with your voice?”

Rowan looked to his side as Lysandra appeared beside him. She still managed to retain her stealth from when they had first met, and if anything she had improved it. Immensely. The guard Rowan had just finished speaking with tried and failed to not show his surprise at her sudden appearance.

Lysandra must have overheard him talking to the guard. His voice was hoarse and had a slight croak to it from reading to Aelin for hours. Not that he begrudged it, he would have read for hours more had Aelin needed it. Rowan nodded to the guard who bowed and left Rowan and Lysandra alone. Lysandra only raised and eyebrow, still waiting for an answer.

“Late night reading,” Rowan replied. Lysandra laughed and when Rowan didn’t join in she abruptly stopped.

“Oh you’re serious. I thought it was a euphemism,” Lysandra said.

Rowan refrained from rolling his eyes, “Between you, Aedion and Fenrys none of us can have a decent conversation.”

“Fenrys has been a bad influence.” Then she said a little forlornly, “He’s corrupted the innocence of the court.”

Rowan laughed at that. He knew the corruption had started long before Fenrys had even appeared at Rolfe’s inn.

“Was there something you needed?” Rowan asked.

“There was actually. There’s a man with a large cart out by the stables,” Lysandra said, fixing Rowan with a stare. “He said the King was needed. Under no circumstances was the Queen to be sent for. The King only.”

Confusion crossed Rowan’s face for a moment, then the realisation hit him and a wide smile broke out across his face.

“What have you done?” Lysandra asked.

Rowan didn’t reply, just kept smiling as he started towards the stables. No doubt out of curiosity, Lysandra followed.

It took Rowan a short while to reach the stables and Lysandra was slightly out of breath by the pace he set. There was indeed a man standing by a large cart looking around a little nervously. It took a moment for Rowan to realise why before he noticed Lorcan brooding against a nearby wall. Ignoring him Rowan approached the man.The man straightened as he saw Rowan approaching and then bowed deeply.

“King Rowan, I am Craftsman Rufus Abbott,” he said as he rose from his bow.

Rowan nodded, “Thank you Craftsman Abbott for making this journey yourself.”

“Not at all, not at all. I wouldn’t entrust anyone else with this.” With the formalities over the craftsman seemed to relax a little, but still sent a nervous glance towards Lorcan.

“Don’t mind him,” Lysandra said from where she stood behind Rowan. “He always looks ready to kill something.”

Craftsman Abbott cracked half a smile before bowing again, “Forgive me m’lady, I do not know your name.”

“Lady Lysandra of Caraverre,” Lysandra said with a kindly smile. “What have you brought us?”

The craftsman sent a questioning look to Rowan.

“Please, I’d very much like to see it,” Rowan said indicating to the cart.

Rufus Abbott nodded and climbed up. He untied a few ropes, loosening the canvas that lay over what was in the cart. Rowan sensed Lorcan move to somewhere behind him, no doubt appearing too casual to be curious, but curious all the same to see what this man had brought to Orynth. As the last knot was untied the canvas was thrown back. Rowan heard Lysandra gasp and his own breath hitched a little.

“Oh Rowan,” Lysandra said taking a small step forward, “it’s beautiful. You’ll be up late reading for months and months after this.”

Rowan only smile. It was beautiful and he would be indebted to Dorian for years to come for orchestrating the beautiful surprise for his Fireheart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy lifting

Rowan just stared at the contents of the cart while his mind formulated a plan. He needed to get it into the palace without Aelin seeing. He needed to get it into their chambers without Aelin seeing.

“Sure, it’s pretty,” Lorcan murmured from behind him, “but how will you get it inside?”

Rowan didn’t answer. He was still thinking it over, running through Aelin’s schedule in his mind.

“Where is it going?” Lysandra asked.

“Our living room,” Rowan answered. Lysandra might actually provide something useful, unlike Lorcan. “By the window that overlooks the garden.”

“The legs aren’t attached,” Rufus explained. “Less likely to break while transporting.”

“If Manon was here we could get Abraxos to fly it up,” Lysandra mused. “If I suddenly shifted it might draw too much attention.”

Rowan was still thinking, but really there was only one course of action.

“Lorcan, go get Aedion and Fenrys,” Rowan said.

Lorcan let out an almost in audible groan, but left without another sound.

“I’ll keep Aelin away and busy. Even though I’d love to see how this plays out,” Lysandra said with a smile. “I’ll send Evangeline to your chambers and she can come to me when you’ve finished.”

Lysandra left as well and left Rowan with the craftsman. Rowan was almost amazed that he had been able to keep another secret from Aelin. Granted this one was much easier to keep quiet than an entire music hall.

“If I may,” Rufus Abbott started and Rowan nodded for him to continue. He launched into details and descriptions that Rowan did not fully understand but Rowan listened and acknowledged, admiring the pride and knowledge this man had of his work.

Craftsman Abbott only stopped when a loudly muttered curse sounded from behind him. Lorcan had returned with Fenrys and he looked devastated. He’d obviously put the pieces together.

“Where’s Aedion?” Rowan asked.

Fenrys gave him a look, “We couldn’t very well bring him as well. We might as well announce to the entire country that we were up to something if all we’d all disappeared at once.”

Fenrys had a point, but Rowan didn’t tell him as much.

“Alright,” Rowan said rubbing his hands together, “Shall we get started?”

Rowan paused when he saw the nervous look on Craftsman Abbott’s face and considered that he might be the best person to give them advice on how to move this delivery without incident as he knew the weight distributions and where it was the most delicate.

“Craftsman Abbott, how shall we proceed?”

~

“Make sure the next time you have a bright idea, Whitethorn, I’m not in the city,” Lorcan said as they finally reached the top of the final flight of stairs.

The royal chambers were located on one of the higher levels of the palace and to remain unseen they had taken the secluded passages. Many of them tight and and awkward to manoeuvre, not only with the sheer size of the males but also their load. There had been snarling and cursing which had made Craftsman Abbott pale as he followed carrying a load of his own. Despite the mild day all three Fae males had sweating halfway through their task.

Rowan took a a moment to catch his breath and then said, “We’re almost there.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Fenrys quipped as he readjusted his grip.

Indeed, they only had to get into Rowan’s chambers, he could even see Evangeline waiting outside the door. She was running through tricks with Fleetfoot, giving the dog treats every time she completed one.

“On three we move,” Rowan said. “One, two…”

On the third count there was a collective groan as the group started moving again. When they got close to the door Evangeline called Fleetfoot away so she wouldn’t get underfoot. Rowan gave the girl a smile and a nod of thanks as he passed. Fenrys was smiling because they were almost done. Lorcan was as stone faced as ever.

“By the window,” Rowan instructed and chose not to hear whatever Fenrys muttered. Rowan gave the directions to the exact placing and he saw the relief on Fenrys and Lorcan’s face as they knew their task was done. Almost.

Rufus Abbott cleared his throat, “You will need to hold it up while I reattached the legs.”

Rowan gave his companions a stare that told them not to say anything.

It was another half an hour before they could finally put their load down, very gently. Fenrys had gone to drop himself onto one of the nearby lounges but thought better of it, saying that Aelin would burn his arse if she caught whiff of his sweat on her precious furniture. With that Lorcan and Fenrys had left, Rowan thanking them as they walked out. Fenrys waved it off and Lorcan said he wouldn’t help if it needed moving. Rowan knew he was lying. Blood oath or not, both of them would do anything for their Queen.

Gloating in his success Rowan made his way to the door himself in search of Evangeline. She was waiting for him, Fleetfoot beside her wagging her tail excitedly.

“Go find Lysandra,” Rowan said with a smile.

Evangeline returned his smile then turned and took off at a run with Fleetfoot bounding after her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aelin finds the surprise

Aelin wanted a nap. Actually, she wanted a bath and a nap. But if she had to choose the nap would win. 

She had been hoping to have a quick lie down between meetings but Lysandra had insisted that they have lunch together in Aelin’s study. She said she didn’t want to go all the way to either one of their private chambers and then have to come all the way back for the next meeting. So a servant had brought in lunch and Aelin had cleared off the low lying table in front of the fire to eat off. As the day was fairly mild the fire wasn’t going but there was no point of rearranging the room on that account.

Now her second and last meeting of the day was finishing up and maybe, just maybe, she could close her eyes for a little while before dinner with everybody. Aelin had bid farewell to Lysandra as Evangeline came barrelling around a corner, Fleetfoot in tow. Whatever had excited the girl, Evangeline kept to herself giving no explanation for the dazzling smile on her face. Aelin had said a quick goodbye to Evangeline as well, commending Fleetfoot to her care until dinner and then started her journey to her highly anticipated nap.

Aelin let out a heavy sigh of relief as she finally reached the door of her and Rowan’s private quarters and entered with a small smile on her face. She’d made it.

The smile fell though as she lost her sight as something dark suddenly and efficiently covered her eyes.

“Rowan,” she’d scented him as soon as she stepped in the room, “what are you doing?”

“I have a surprise for you,” his voice sounded next to her ear and his hands gripped her shoulders as he guided her through the room.

Aelin’s stomach fluttered with anticipation as she remembered her last surprise. He had done so well last time, who knew what he’d come up with this time? 

“Why can I smell the lingering sweaty scents of an overgrown dog and broody old man? What have you been doing in here, Rowan? Or is this something I don’t want to know about?”

Rowan chuckled, the surprise and closeness of it’s sound sending goosebumps along Aelin’s arms. But Rowan said nothing more, he just continued to guide her. Painfully slow.

Finally Rowan stopped them and stood close behind Aelin, so close she could feel the heat from his body enveloping her. She couldn’t help but lean back into him as his fingers gently pulled the blindfold from her eyes. Aelin blinked once at the sudden brightness and then her eyes went wide. She lent fully on Rowan and he supported her with a hand under her elbow and the other resting on her hip.

“Rowan…”

By the window was a stunning pianoforte. So beautiful it took Aelin’s breath away. The main colour was a turquoise, so similar to that of her eyes it would have taken someone who knew her very well so match the so exactly. Over that vines of kings flame had been painted on all the flat surfaces, delicately and not overbearing. The legs had been carved with similar vines and music rest was a lattice work of the same design but both were painted gold. Then there was a bench seat to match and long enough for two people to sit side by side. Aelin felt the hot tears run down her cheek. She had never seen a more beautiful instrument.

“Fireheart?”

Aelin spun and threw her arms around Rowan’s neck, letting him hold her to him.

“Thank you,” Aelin said thickly, “You’re too good to me.”

They both shifted so they could look into each other’s face. Aelin almost sobbed at the raw emotion she saw on Rowan’s face, the joy and the love.

“When we were at the theatre I saw you, I saw what the music did to you. I saw your fingers playing the notes on your leg. I wanted to have something here, in our home, so you could feel what you did that night whenever you please.”

Rowan lent down to kiss her softly. And Aelin felt it then. She felt the understanding he had for the aching in her soul, how much he desperately wanted to help heal it. It hit her like an arrow in the chest and she deepened the kiss, tightening her hold on him. Rowan complied and soon they were breathless. Then Aelin was leading him to their bedroom without breaking away. But Rowan stopped them, one hand tangled in her hair the other on the small of her back.

“Don’t you want to try it out?” Rowan asked raising a brow.

Aelin kissed him deeply, earning a soft growl in response which make her smile into the kiss.

“Later,” she said, “later.”

~~~~~

Aelin rose from the bed silently, pulling on a dressing robe discarded on the floor. Fleetfoot opened one eye from where she lay curled in her bed, offered solitary wag of her tail and went back to sleep. Aelin didn’t get her nap, she had lost herself in Rowan instead. So much so that they had been late for dinner, receiving a heavy eye roll from Fenrys and an incredulous look from Lorcan. Everyone else just laughed. She had thanked and then scolded her court for their help and threatened to make a royal decree about keeping secrets from the Queen and that sent them all laughing again and a many you get what you give directed at their Queen.

After dinner Aelin had told Rowan that she was too tired to try the pianoforte just now and they had gone to bed. They were both reading until Rowan had fallen asleep, his book slumped on his chest. That’s when Aelin had slipped out.

She used her power to light a few candles around the room as she made her way over to the pianoforte. The ran her fingers along it, the wood cool to the touch at this late hour. It was indeed a beautiful instrument and Aelin was sure that it would sound as beautiful as it looked. Aelin did a full circuit before she came back to the bench. Taking in a steadying breath she sat down and lifted the lid that covered the keys. The wood had been cool, but the black and white keys were almost as cold as ice as Aelin let her fingers glide over them, not yet pressing down to strike a chord.

Memories came to her, her fingers twitched in recognition of the movements that had once come so naturally to her once upon a time. Then Aelin pushed down on a single note, the sound echoing around the silent room.

It sounded hollow. Empty.

Aelin’s fingers hovered, tempted to strike again. But instead she dropped her hands to her lap. That ache in her chest felt as hollow as that solitary note had sounded.

Closing the lid over the keys Aelin walked back to her bed. She wasn’t crying as she slid into bed next to Rowan, removing the book from his chest as she did so. All Aelin was feeling was an emptiness, the loss of something deep within herself that she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to get back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend comes to visit the Queen.

Aelin was deflecting, and avoiding, and straight up denying any attempt by Rowan or the others to get her to play the beautiful new instrument that had arrived weeks ago.

Aelin wanted to play, she was yearning for it. But she had had lost count of the many times she sat on the bench and felt nothing. She had tapped at the keys and Rowan had even bought her an array of sheet music, just to give her that extra bit of encouragement. Aelin looked at the notes and at the keys that would bring the music to life but couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

She loved the pianoforte. It made her heart ache at how much thought Rowan had put towards the gesture. She just couldn’t bring herself to play. When Rowan had been in the room during her attempts Aelin saw him become alert, his pine green eyes intent on her. She refused to see them when they fell when nothing became of it.

Besides all that Aelin was tired.

The moments she had sat down at the instrument were stolen between meetings or before she succumbed to complete exhaustion then collapsed into bed. They had been to the theatre a couple of times and each time the music swept Aelin away, but her own expression was a void

Aelin was now hunched over her desk, going over the reports for the upcoming trade agreements with Adarlan. They seemed fair enough, she hadn’t expected Dorian to try and cheat her country of anything, it was practically an agreement between friends. But she needed to be well versed it what was being requested and also given, she didn’t want to seem like a unaware young woman who let those around her run the country. She wanted to show whoever Dorian was going to send that she did her job. And she did her job well.

Finishing the page Aelin lent back in her chair and wondered who in fact Dorian would send. Obviously not Chaol. First of all, Aelin was sure it wasn’t exactly part of his job description. And secondly, he had a small baby. She doubted her loyal hearted friend would want to leave his wife and daughter anytime soon. The thought of Chaol being a father brought a smile to her face. Aelin couldn’t help but smile as she wondered how he had gone during the birth. Maybe Yrene educated him enough that he was less likely to bolt from the room, red faced when faced with the functionings of the female body.

There was a knock at the door and Aelin called for them to come in. Nox stepped into Aelin’s study and gave a quick bow.

“Majesty, the trade delegation from Adarlan is here.”

Aelin just stared at him for a moment, then tilted her head. “Pardon?”

“The trade delegation. They’ve arrived.”

“They’re no supposed to arrive for days,” Aelin said as she squeezed the bridge of her nose. Then she sighed. Her hands were covered in ink and her clothes were rumpled and a little too casual for meeting an official political delegation. “Thank you, Nox.”

Nox nodded and then left.

Taking one last glance at the trade agreement, Aelin left her study and made her way back to her private chambers to quickly bath and change to officially greet her visitors. She entered her suite of rooms assuming she’d be alone, Rowan was off in the city doing something that didn’t require fine clothes. So when she saw a male figure standing in her lounge area she halted and went for the non existent weapon at her side. Then she realised who it was and let out a broken laugh.

“Dorian?”

~~~~~

Dorian turned as he heard his name and smiled at the Queen of Terrasen. She came out of what he assumed was a defensive stance and walked towards him. He met her halfway with an embrace which she readily returned, they held onto each other tightly for a moment. Aelin’s eyes were shining when she pulled away and Dorian felt emotion rising in his own chest.

“You’re the trade delegation?” Aelin asked as she took him in.

Dorian gave an indulgent shrug, “I wanted to make sure you weren’t taking my country for all it’s worth.”

Aelin laughed, wiping at her eyes . “These surprises will be the end of me.”

Dorian laughed at that and went to say something along the lines of you get what you’re given, but Aelin held up her hand and waved him off.

“I know, I know,” she said, “Rowan’s already lectured me. Multiple times.”

Dorian now took in Aelin as she had him. She looked well. Healthy. But Rowan was right, there was something missing. Just that little spark. He wasn’t surprised, a little concerned maybe, but he was pressed to think of anyone who wasn’t still harbouring some form of scar after the war. Aelin led them to a couch and they sat.

“How’s Chaol? And Yrene? How are you?” Aelin rattled off and she tucked her feet under her, facing him with her arm stretched along the back of the couch.

“They’re both… tired,” Dorian said with a smile. “Myria has her father wrapped around her little finger. Yrene adores watching them together. But a baby is hard work, especially when they’re both working so hard for our country.”

Aelin was smiling, “and?”

Dorian bristled. By that wicked grin he knew what was coming, but decided to bait her anyway. “And what?”

“How are you? How are you… and Manon?”

“I think I’m much like you,” Dorian said. “Tired to my bones, barely a moment of peace. But I am well. As well as I can be.”

Aelin just gave him a long look. It made Dorian laugh.

“Manon is well,” Dorian said with a shrug, “you could ask her yourself. She’s here. That’s how I got here. Much quicker to travel by wyvern”

Aelin’s eyebrows rose in surprise, a knowing smile on her lips.

But Dorian’s face fell when he said, “She’s down on the plain.”

The two friends became quiet at that. Indeed. Everyone was carrying scars.

To make sure Aelin didn’t pry further into his and Manon’s personal life Dorian turned to the pianoforte that had become the feature of the room. He’d seen it before. He was glad it had arrived all the way from Adarlan unscathed.

“That,” Dorian said with a nod to the pianoforte, “is a beautiful instrument. That colour… it’s like whoever commissioned that knew you very well.”

Aelin gaped at him a little and Dorian smiled.

“It was you! You helped Rowan with all of it!” She gave his shoulder a shove. “How did I not think of that before.”

“Most likely because you haven’t had a moment of quiet to think about it. He didn’t tell you?” Dorian asked as he rose from the couch and went to the instrument.

“No,” Aelin replied as she followed. “Rowan said something about a gentleman having his secrets. I reminded him he’s about the furthest you can get from being a real gentleman but he still wouldn’t tell me.”

Dorian sat on the bench and patted the seat next to him, Aelin complied and sat down next to him. “I would say he’s genteel enough.”

Aelin gave a snort of laughter. Aelin still didn’t reach for the keys so he did. With one hand he started to play a simple child’s song.

“I didn’t know you played,” Aelin said, pretended shock in her voice.

“My mother had me take lessons, but I developed other pursuits,” he said glancing at Aelin.

Aelin laughed and gave him a knowing look.

“I was talking about sword fighting, Aelin,” Dorian said.

That only made Aelin laugh harder.

Dorian played the song through again and he noticed how intently Aelin watched his fingers.

“I remember,” Dorian said, playing clumsily through a few notes, “a lovely young woman who could play beautifully. She played in a way I had never heard before, she lived through that music.”

Dorian watched as Aelin’s hand hovered over the keys of then curled into a fist, then she rested it down by her thigh. Dorian stopped playing.

“I… I,” Aelin’s voice broke. “I don’t think that woman exists anymore.”

Dorian looked at Aelin, tears were falling down her cheeks and he rested his hand on her still clenched fist.

“Of course she doesn’t. Either does that boy who was reckless enough to fall for an assassin,” Dorian smiled as Aelin let out a shuddering laugh. “There was no outcome from what we went through that would let us remain whole. Everyone lost a part of themselves, for good or for bad.”

“I know,” Aelin said as she wiped her cheek with her sleeve. “But that part of my soul, my mortal soul, it… died. It held so much of who I was. I want it to be part of me again, I want to feel those things again. But they’re gone.”

Dorian wrapped his arm around his friend, pulling her closer to him.

“I shut off many parts of myself. Buried them so deep it took me a long time to reconnect with those parts. Which I know is nothing compared to what happened to you. But…” Dorian took in a deep breath as he thought of Chaol, of Manon, even Aelin, “But the thing is it took me realising that there is no going back, our only choice move forward and to rediscover or reforge those missing parts of us. I didn’t find myself, I didn’t heal, alone. We’re here Aelin. You ask and any of us will be there for you. Anyone of of your friends, your family, will do anything you ask of us. Just say what you need and it’s yours.”

“I know, I know,” Aelin said quietly. “I just don’t know how.”

Dorian sat there with his arm around his friend, waiting for Aelin to move away, letting her decide when she had taken all the comfort she needed.

It was a long while before Aelin stood up, a small and hopeful smile on her face.


End file.
